


Take it all back

by berettajane



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotionally Hurt Dean, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Language, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Sad Dean, Sad Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8293331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berettajane/pseuds/berettajane
Summary: Dean calls you after breaking up a few months ago.  The drunken voicemail that he leaves makes you reconsider.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration:  Take it all back by Judah and the lion  
> Last line is from Deer Hunter’s Saved.
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s nearly three in the morning when your phone rings.  You groan loudly, rolling over to pick it up and see who in their right mind is calling you at this hour.  When your eyes finally focus on the blurry letters of your caller ID, you realize that the caller is  _ not _ in their right mind.

It's been months since you and Dean went your separate ways, frustrated that you weren't able to break down his walls, even after eight months of dating.  Shaking your head, you silence your phone, rolling back over and going back to sleep.  

The next morning, you picked your phone up to check your notifications, only to see that the call from Dean had  _ not  _ been a figment of your dream-addled imagination.  You hesitated for a moment, trying to choose between playing the voicemail and deleting it unheard.

“Fuck it,” you mumble, hitting play.

“Hey, dollface. Shit,” he slurs. You hear a thud, assuming he knocked something over or ran into something, the mental image causing you to chuckle. “Why don't you answer my calls anymore?”   _ Ah, shit. _  You could hear the drunken pout on his face now.  “It’s been a month and a half since I’ve heard your voice, even longer since I’ve seen your smile.  It’s killing me, baby.  I know I--I pushed you away.  This is on me, and I know that.  I couldn’t be a sorrier son-of-a-bitch for it, believe me,” you heard him take a deep breath.  

You imagined him leaning against a wall, his eyes closed as he breathed deeply...until you heard a sob.  Your eyes widened.  Dean doesn’t cry. Period.

“I'd -- I'd take it all back, I swear.  I'd take it all back just to have you, to touch you. I just--I fucked up, okay?  Is that what you wanted to hear?  I fucked up and I lost you.  You have no idea how much you mean to me--how much you've always meant to me, baby.  I wish I had never done that stupid shit to push you away.  I wish I could wake up tomorrow and have you in my arms again.  I'd never let you go.  Not this time.”

“End of message.  Press seven to--” you pushed ‘end’, letting the phone fall from your hand before you buried your face in your pillow.   _ Goddamn it, Dean. _

You argued with yourself as you replayed his words in your head, “I’d take it all back, I swear.”   _ Did he mean it?  Why wouldn’t he have meant it?  He was drunk and obviously got turned down by some skank at a bar.  And he’d still care after a month and a half?   _

You inhaled shakily, trying to clear your thoughts for a moment.  When the arguing finally subsided in your head, your mind was met with the piercing image of green eyes, layered with gold flecks.   _ Dean _ .  Your mind wandered to his smile, the sound of his laugh, the roughness of his voice when he first woke up.  

The logical part of you twisted the images, bringing unpleasant memories to your attention.  The sound of his voice as he yelled at you, the smirk on his face when you saw him with his hand on a leggy redhead at a bar.

In the voicemail, he said he had done that to push you away.  Why?  What was he afraid of?  Commitment?  The two of you had never brought up anything farther in the future than a concert next year; marriage, kids, mortgage--none of that had ever been mentioned.  Then, you realized that you didn’t know much about Dean, despite having spent eight months in a relationship with him.  You knew he didn’t have a perfect childhood, didn’t have that many friends, and wasn’t that close to his family.  Knowing all of that, you tried not to pry too much into his past.

None of this, however, negates the fact that he treated you better than any other man ever has.  It wasn’t even the physical treatment he gave you, which was  _ hands-down _ the best you had ever experienced; he was there for you through it all during the time you were together.  When you quit your job because your manager was getting too handsy, he was there to escort you out of the building and drive you around the next day to look for a new job.  When your dog died, he was there for you when you cried for a week straight.  He had helped with your self-esteem issues, helping you learn to love your stretch marks and imperfections.

It was with the strength that he had given you that you had left him.  You finally believed you deserved more than a man who would have his hands on another female knowing he had a commitment.  Then, the idea occurred to you that he may have not done anything with the redhead.  What if he only wanted you to  _ see _ him with her to push you away?  You groaned, your head spinning from all of the internal back and forth.

“Fuck it,” you stated, picking up your phone and pushing “call” on his name before you even had time to realize what you were doing.  It rang, and rang, and rang until his voicemail finally picked up.  Shit, you hadn’t really thought about what you were going to say.  “Hey, it’s me.  Um, I just--- shit.  Call me when you get a chance, I guess.  Bye,” you hung up, tossing the phone on the bed before putting your head in your hands.   _ Smooth. _ _ _

Before you had a chance to allow yourself to wallow, your phone rang.  You immediately answered, your voice rushed, “hello?”

“Hey.  I didn’t think you were going to pick up,” he chuckled.

“I didn’t think I was going to call,” you let out a dry laugh.  “Listen, I--”

“No, I--you first,” he stammered.

“You called first, you must have something to say,” you said cheekily, biting your lip to prevent a smile from breaking across your face.  It felt good to hear his voice again, and you had no idea that he still had this effect on you.

Silence fell on the line as Dean contemplated his next words.  “I miss you,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I know.  You told me quite a bit when we were together that you had never met another woman like me.  Sounds like the ones you’ve come across since then haven’t measured up, either,” you laughed.  Just because you missed him didn’t mean you weren’t  _ slightly _ bitter.

“Yeah, there, um, haven’t been any.  Since you, I mean,” he said, clearing his throat.

Your eyes nearly popped out of your skull.  “Seriously?”

“Seriously.  I screwed up when I pushed you away.  I saw where we were headed and I got scared,” he admitted.  “I haven’t touched another woman since you walked out of that bar.”

You were shocked; you had no idea what to say.  Half of you wanted to jump up and down on your bed and cheer while the other half of you didn’t know what the hell to do.  Do you make a move, try to reconnect?  Do you try to be friends?  Do you tell him to go to Hell?

“Are you still there, baby?” he asked, the nickname falling from his lips out of habit.

“Huh?  Yeah, I’m still here.  Just...thinking.”

He sighed, “I know I was a dick, and I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you, I wish I could express that enough, but I know I never can.  Can we just, I don’t know, meet up?  Will you meet me for lunch?” he asked hesitantly.

“Lunch?” you asked, sitting up straight in the bed.

“Yeah, you know, the food you eat around midday,” he laughed.  “You up for it?” 

You could hear the smile in his voice, and you couldn’t help the smile of your own that formed on your face.  He  _ always _ made you happy, no matter what.  That was definitely something you had missed lately…

“Ah, what the hell.  Why not?  Where do you want to go?” you caved after a moment of silence, getting up off the bed to begin getting ready while you talked to him on the phone as if no time had passed at all.

Let’s see how this soul fares...

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
